Republicans Demand Canada Stop Exporting Wildfire Smoke, Apparently Unaware Of How Wind Works
A group of Republican congressmen has formally blasted Canada over the wildfire smoke drifting into the northern United States, calling the haze an unacceptable intrusion on American airspace and, one imagines, an unlicensed import.
The letter demands Ottawa do something about the smoke, which is currently blanketing parts of the U.S. Midwest in a fine grey film. It stops short of proposing a specific remedy, though sources suggest options under consideration include a tariff on particulate matter, a stern tweet, and possibly a wall, provided somebody can figure out how to build one that is also a ceiling.
Canadian officials responded with the polite bewilderment usually reserved for people who complain about the metric system. One environment ministry staffer noted that the fires are, in fact, burning down entire First Nations communities in northwestern Ontario, where residents recently escaped by boat, and that the smoke is arguably the least of anyone's problems.
The congressmen were unmoved. In a follow-up statement, they clarified that while they do not believe in climate change, they do believe in Canada's responsibility to manage its climate more considerately. They also requested that the smoke, at minimum, respect ICE traffic stops.
A White House spokesperson, asked whether the administration planned to raise the issue at the next trade meeting, said the president was busy preparing a primetime address about a different problem for which he also had no evidence.