Bryan Adams Releases Protest Song '51st State,' Achieves Something Neither Government Managed
Bryan Adams has taken aim at Donald Trump with a new protest song called *51st State*, marking the first time in recorded history that a Canadian foreign policy response has included a key change.
The track, according to CBC, is a direct rebuke of Trump's suggestion that Canada should become America's 51st state. Adams, whose previous international incidents include *Summer of '69* and being unable to get out of a Molson commercial in 1994, has now been quietly promoted to Assistant Deputy Minister of National Dignity.
Ottawa is understood to be relieved. Cabinet had spent weeks preparing a strongly worded letter, a mildly worded tariff, and a diplomatic shrug, only to be beaten to the punch by a 65-year-old rock star with a raspy voice and unresolved feelings about Reagan-era foreign policy. Sources at Global Affairs Canada confirmed the department is now workshopping whether Sarah McLachlan can be deployed against the softwood lumber file.
South of the border, the White House was reportedly unfamiliar with Bryan Adams, briefly confusing him with Ryan Adams, then with the guy who sings *Sunglasses at Night*, then with an unspecified maple syrup executive. A senior aide is said to have asked whether the song was available on vinyl, which is not the own he thought it was.
The song is expected to chart in Canada, be politely ignored in the United States, and become the third-most-played track at every Legion hall between here and Kamloops by Friday. Adams has declined to say if a follow-up is coming, but confirmed the working title is *Everything I Do, I Do It For Sovereignty*.