Alberta to Reveal Pipeline Route on July 2, Picked Date for Maximum Long-Weekend Outrage
Alberta will unveil the route of its proposed million-barrel-per-day pipeline to the West Coast on July 2, a date chosen with the strategic precision of a province that understands exactly one thing about British Columbia: nobody there reads the news on Canada Day, but everyone reads it the morning after.
The pipeline, described in promotional materials as "a conversation," will reportedly travel through several mountain ranges, two watersheds, and at least one premier's last nerve. Officials in Edmonton say the route was determined by a rigorous process involving geological surveys, Indigenous consultation timelines yet to be scheduled, and a very large ruler.
B.C. Premier David Eby is expected to respond with a statement containing the words "jurisdiction," "absolutely not," and "have you met the coast." Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is expected to respond to that response with a press conference held in front of a pump jack and an aggrieved Canadian flag.
Industry analysts note that the pipeline has, so far, been announced four times, routed three times, and built zero times, a track record that places it somewhere between the Phoenix pay system and the long-promised Senate reform.
A spokesperson confirmed the project will be shovel-ready by 2027, lawsuit-ready by Wednesday.