Alberta Spends $1.5M to Find Out If Leaving Is Worth It
The Alberta government has commissioned a $1.5-million economic analysis and expert panel to study the cost of separating from Canada, a sum roughly equivalent to what most couples spend on a mediocre divorce lawyer and a worse therapist.
The panel will reportedly examine such thorny questions as: who keeps the Rockies, who gets weekend custody of the equalization formula, and whether a landlocked prairie republic can credibly threaten anyone with its navy.
Supporters say the study is a sober, fact-based exercise in democratic self-determination. Critics note that spending $1.5 million to ask whether you can afford to leave is, itself, pretty strong evidence about your fiscal judgement.
Ottawa, for its part, has greeted the news with the calm of a parent who has heard the phrase "I'm running away from home" several times before and knows the suitcase contains three granola bars and a stuffed moose. Officials privately wonder whether the panel's final report will include a line item for the cost of designing a new flag, printing new passports, and explaining to the rest of the world which Alberta this is.
The panel is expected to report back next year. In the meantime, the province will continue to share a currency, a border, and a deeply complicated feeling about Toronto with the country it is paying consultants to leave.