Ottawa to Ban Social Media for Under-16s, Citing Need to Raise a Generation Capable of Reading This Sentence
Ottawa announced plans this week to ban social media for users under 16, a policy Sweden has already implemented for phones in schools and Australia tried last year with results that depend entirely on which study you scroll past.
The federal government insists the measure will protect young minds from algorithmic harm, doomscrolling, and the creeping suspicion that adults have no plan for anything. Officials declined to explain how the ban will be enforced, beyond a vague reference to "working with platforms," which is Ottawa-speak for sending a sternly worded letter and hoping Meta opens it.
Critics noted that the same government spent the morning quietly rolling back foreign streamer contributions to Canadian content, meaning a 15-year-old will soon be unable to post a TikTok but perfectly free to watch nothing Canadian on Netflix. A spokesperson called this "a balanced approach to the digital environment," which is also how one might describe unplugging the router and blaming the children.
Parents surveyed expressed cautious support, provided the ban does not apply to the iPad currently functioning as a third parent. Teenagers, reached for comment on Snapchat, said they had already moved to a platform the government has not heard of, and would relocate again the moment a cabinet minister learned to pronounce it.
The legislation is expected to pass sometime before the affected children turn 16 on their own.