Alberta Shocks Pollsters by Remembering It Lives in Canada
A new poll finds an overwhelming majority of Albertans would vote to stay in Canada, a result that has thrown the province's separatist cottage industry into mild disarray. Organizers of the secession movement reportedly learned the news while filling up at a Petro-Canada, paying in loonies, and watching the Oilers on Sportsnet.
The poll suggests that when Albertans are asked whether they want to leave the country, roughly seventy per cent respond with some version of 'no,' 'not really,' or 'have you tried getting health coverage in Idaho.' The remaining thirty per cent are split between genuine sovereigntists and people who thought the question was about the federal carbon rebate.
Premier Danielle Smith's office insists the result does not undermine the province's ongoing autonomy push, noting that staying in Canada and complaining about Canada are constitutionally distinct activities, both protected under section 2 of the Charter and section 1 of the Calgary Herald letters page.
Ottawa, for its part, has chosen to celebrate quietly, the way you celebrate when your teenager comes home at curfew after threatening for six months to move in with their cousin in Lethbridge. A senior Liberal staffer described the mood as 'relieved, but we're not making eye contact about it.'
The separatist organizers say they will regroup, retool their messaging, and try again in the fall, ideally before the next federal transfer payment arrives and ruins the narrative.